Shopping German Style

When my wife and I arrived in Germany, we had steep learning curve.  It was the stuff that people never really bother to tell you during the job interview.  As mentioned in previous postings, we arrived in our 2nd floor flat (really 3rd floor as Germans don't give ground floor a number) and tried to settle into by doing the first shopping excusion.   For you 'new' expats you won't appreciate the situation in the old days.  Things are easier for your now.

We had arrived in country on a Friday late-afternoon and searched out for pizza that first night.   After a late dinner, we settled in for the night and put groceries as first on the agenda for Sat  AM.    We woke around 10AM and with some leisure made our way to the shop by 11AM.   When we arrived, we quickly learned the shop was to close at 12:00 as this was a Saturday and Germans value their free time.   I remember rushing through the store trying to figure out brands, locations, and translations.   Things took a while but we made it to register with some time to spare.  

At the register, I proceeded to take out my Visa card.  That was met with some confusion and scorn by the cashier.  Then I pulled out American Express.  Everyone uses American Express.   I got the same look.   I could only yell out to the line behind me, "No Visa, no Amex, what gives?!"   I looked like a fool.   It got worse.  

We scrambled into our pockets and pulled out 20DM and this required the cashier to take items off the register total (which has reached 28DM).   This required a manager, a key, and some additional discussion.  People in the line were in shock when we removed diapers from our total.  

Now, my embarassment had just about reached it peak when we discovered that we needed our own bags to take the groceries home.   As I recall now, my wife carried 11month son home, while I placed all our groceries in his bassinet.   The Germans were probably laughing for days afterwards.  

About 2 years later, the grocery stores extended Sat hours to 2PM.   Furthermore, they all take EuroCheque (EC Card) which works like a debit card.   Tell me if you've experience any of the same? 

Plight of Expat Spouse - Part 2

For the record, my wife was entirely 'gung-ho' about moving overseas.   She had to quit her job, leave her friends, and stay home with kids.   In some part, I'm entirely to blame for my overzelous desire to move overseas.   I had to see the world, improve my career standing, escape the 2 hr daily commute, and test my skills with another culture.  

While you don't see it all clearly then, you need to come to the conclusion it's all about you.   Your spouse was dragged along for the ride.  They don't get to decide time, travel, living conditions, friends.  It has been decided for them by the constraints of the relocation and your job committment.   The spouse has a life where every day has a new challenge.  How to pay the bills, buy groceries in an unfamiliar language, work out directions in a new land, make new friends where there maybe little in common.  

Often, we'd hear stories of military wives who never left the base.  They had friends, movies, schools, stores all within the confines of the base and seldom ventured outside its walls.  I consider that an 'island of America' within a foreign country.  It's home but not real.  Adapting to and adopting with German society is painful. 

At my office, I failed to recognize that my wife required 2 hrs to find the right foods at the store.  She had to learn entire sections in the grocery store.  She had to find substitutes for American products that did not exist in Germany (Baking Soda).  Everyday required some challenge and life was not going to get any easier. 

Give your spouse lots of time to sound-off.   Don't travel extensively during the first 60 days.  Try to get help from others where/when you can.  Be patient. 

Plight of the Expat Spouse

My wife cried for several days after our arrival. She had every right to be scared and full of regret. After a 12 hr flight into Germany, the taxi (hired by the company) dropped us at the company sponsored flat. It was late on a Friday afternoon in early April. I rememer the shock upon entering the kitchen as there were 3 jars on counter (salt, sugar, pepper) and not a scrap of food in the fridge or on a shelf. There were no instructions or locations for local grocery stores, no directory of restaurants, no phone numbers for an emergency. We had figured that banks were closed by now, we were warned that most merchants don't accept Visa/Master Card.

It has the feeling of being abandon on an island and forced to survive upon 5lbs of baby food tucked deep within the luggage. It was a sobering moment for me personally and professionally. I came to the stark realization that my company knows nothing of expats and their family. They wrongly figure you'll get in, and get settled, just like any German family. In some ways, they had pushed us into an uncomfortable emotional state and we had to rise to the occassion.

Later that night Chris, a manager from the German office, called to see how we were settling in. I kept my composure during the call while all my emotional strength was focused on screaming. My wife had stopped crying and finally had fallen asleep. Chris told me of a local pizza parlor nearby and I found an ATM machine along the way. I'd been in town only 5 hrs and I'd gained a new appreciation of expat life.

You have about 10-14 days before that 'vacation' feeling will start to fade for your spouse.  That odd time when things stop feeling so abstract and you must figure out basic tasks (apartment hunting, bus routes, grocery shopping) for yourself.   This part can get really bothersome and frightful for your spouse, while you sit 9 hrs a day at the office. 

The time for sitting around has passed and now you must start entering the German society with all it's rules, customs, and patterns.    You and your spouse will have to move outside your comfort zone and start asking questions, start testing boundries of comfort, and start making a full effort at acclimation.

You need to get your spouse involved in daily activity.  Any activity that sets a routine and adds a level of purpose for each day.  All too often, the spouse has no other activity or support group and they are left feeling bored, angry, or resentful.   You need to help your spouse with this transition and give them a push out the door.   It's unlikely they will do it for themselves as it can look/fee to intimidating.  

A 1989 study by the Journal of Management, attempts to draw a connection between the capacity of an overseas expat manager and the ability for his/her spouse to acclimate to the new life.   Additionally, the adjustment of the manager is directly coorelated to the adjustment of the spouse.   It ain't all about the work!


Start here and start quickly.  Direct your spouse into:  
-Search out local expat support groups
-Bring your collegues over for dinner with their spouses
-Look for clubs/activities for the kids
-Publish a blog on the experiences

Relocation: Time for Negotiation

Many companies embrace and encourage the expat with the idea(s) that an employee gains multiple/new facets of the company, shares his/her ideas with counterparts, and returns ready to share key learnings.   For many multi-national companies, an executive cannot reach the next-level in their careers without an overseas assignment at a subsidiary.   Companies like IBM see it as a mandatory step for rank-and-file executive. 

Unfortunately, my company had no aspirations for cross-pollinating employees and their ideas.  Likewise, there is no defined management track whatsoever so any work overseas was for my own personal and professional desires.    To this day, the company has no defined 'expat package' for moving employees back and forth.   Therefore, I was told I must resign from the one (USA) company and sign new employment contracts with the (EMEA) subsidary.   If you've found out your company has no expat policies, that is a red flag!   Three key learnings surface this stage:

1) When a company has no defined relocation/expat policy, you have greater latitute in negotiation.
2) When a company has no defined relocation/expat policy, you do ALL the research by yourself. 
3) Few other expats exist to provide guidance. Lack of expat policy does not exactly encourage staff to risk their career, family, and financial wellbeing.

While there are several companies that publish the perfect expat package, here is what one should expect as the minimum before accepting an overseas assignment?  

Country of origin:
Guarantee of employment upon return (company did not offer this)
Executive mentor who can support your career/transition back stateside  (company did not offer this)
Cost relief for US Tax returns preparation (company did not offer this)
Cost of Realtor or cost relief associated with lease-buyout (company did not offer this)

Host country:
Cost relief for first year tax preparation fees
Packing and shipment of household items
Foreign language lessons @ min of 40 hrs or 2 week course and spouse @ min 20hrs or 1 week course
English-language school for children (company did not offer this)
Agent to translate/file work permits, driver license requests, bank account, residence permits
Thirty-days paid apartment rental while you find perminent residence. 

You might think Medical is your primary concern but Germany and most EU countries have good socialized health systems.  English-language schools are expected to be the most expensive item.   Expect to pay 15,000+ Euro per student/yr.   If you have children over 5yrs old, you better resolve this item now.   Putting them into the local school system can be beneficial, it could set the back a grade-level once you return to stateside.     When negotiating, also consider your employment status with the firm as either:

1) Still employeed by the US entity and simply 'on loan' to the overseas subsidiary?
2) Resigning from the US entity and considered a 'exempt' employee in the host company? 

There should be no interruption in your time of service/tenture between corporate entities.    

The Decision to Become an Expat

It all started rather simple when I look back on things. The year was 1997 and I'd been working for a $1.1B software company [name intentionally withheld] for just over 2 yrs. The company, while privately held, maintained offices around the world with a European headquarters in Germany.   I was working out of the Chicago sales office. 

I'd had an easy and successful career in sales and enjoyed the company culture and management style. I had enjoyed my commute to downtown Chicago, selling data mining software to the dozen major banks and credit card firms.  I was making a name for myself by sales and securing customer references.   Staff from overseas offices were asking me about how I was selling to my accounts, if their subsid banking operations would buy software, and so forth.   It never really seemed difficult considering the banks were always looking for an edge over the competition.

In March 1998, I had brought home a copy the annual report and left it on the kitchen table.  My wife looked at it and marveled at all the international offices maintained by my employer.  She had the impression we were just a simple US software operation, without much success overseas.   In actuality, the company had 30 offices in Europe. 

She triggered the conversation with the innocent statement, " It would be neat to live overseas for a year or two, huh?!"   That was start of bigger things to come.  I spent next 3 weeks writing a new business proposal for our European managers and pitching them my skills.   In Dec 1998, they were finally ready and able to bring me over to the German office for a meet & greet.   I had 2-3 days of interviews planned, my wife had 2-3 days of shopping and excursions.   We arrived during the famous Heidelberg Weinachtsmarkt.   If you ever want to win over the spouse, visit Germany during Christmas Market.   We had the 'rose-colored classes' firmly affixed to our faces.   

As I recall the events of that 'meet & greet' expedition, on the flight home we made the decision to take the job and relocate.   My wife had a distinctly different view of events.   There were dozens of questions that needed answers.  

In my view, it was now a matter of a currency converter (salary negotiations) and resolving cost-of-living adjustments.   Oh...there was that small matter of my wife having to quit her job, sell our home, dispose of two cars, and transition with a 5 month old son.   

Rule 1.  Get someone/something to win-over the spouse.
Rule 2.  Don't bother with email, contact Europeans by phone.
Rule 3.  Prepare the spouse early/often on planning.
Rule 4.  Nothing happens fast in Europe.